Good sex is a celebration of all senses: sight, touch, smell, taste, and yes – sound. Sex without sound is ‎a dull, mechanical activity. Moans and cries of pleasure are a great way to show your enjoyment and ‎appreciation. But talking dirty can bring sex to a whole new level.

Dirty talking is one of the most common form of foreplay. It is used in vanilla and kinky sex and is an easy way to spice up foreplay and fuel passion during sex. But how is it that dirty talk is so popular, that it transcends sex preferences?

It turns out that dirty talking entices the largest erogenous zone in the human body: the brain. Medical studies show dirty talking stimulates the brain, increases intimacy, and helps us unleash our own needs and fantasies. Just talking about the things you want or need during sex are enough to turn you on, even if you don’t act upon them.

So it’s no surprise that dirty talking is popular across all sexual experiences. Still not everyone is comfortable with dirty talking. Some may find it too crude to express their desires aloud, some might not be comfortable being expressive with a new partner, and some might find even just making sounds during sex an intrusion. So how do you start adding dirty talk to your own foreplay? And how do you help others open up to trying in out for themselves?

Behold, here is your guide to talking dirty

How to Start Dirty Talk?

If you’ve never really talked dirty in bed, the first time can feel a little embarrassing. There is a constant worry that you’ll stay the wrong thing and ruin the mood. Some might feel too self-conscious and not focus on the sexual experience, because they’re too busy trying to think of the right thing to say. First things first: Relax, there’s no need to overthink it too much. As long as it turns you on, there’s really no wrong way to talk dirty. Just in case, we’ve prepared from you an easy guide to feel more comfurtable talking dirty in bed.

Past, Present & Future

Use simple short sentences to help spice up the mood. Use the three tenses to help you stay focused.

  • Start with Future tense considering what you want to do to your partner, what you want your partner to do to you, and what you want to get out of this sexy time.
    • What you want to do: I will take off your panties and lick you all over.”
    • How you want it to feel: “It’ll going to feel so good, you’ll scream.”
    • Break it down to details: “I will start with your lips, and will end at your toes.”
  • As things get heated up and sex is going on, focus on things happening at the present:
    • Tell them what you’re doing right now “I’m fucking you hard.”
    • What’s being done to you “you’re fucking me hard.”
    • Comment on how it feels “that amazing!”
    • Tell your partner what their body is doing to you “you’re so fucking hot! I love the way you
  • Want it more aggressive? Don’t be shy, use the imperative:
    • Order your partner to do what you like “Fuck me!” “Lick me!” “Spank me!”
  • Sex’s over. It was good; it was amazing. Don’t keep those thoughts to yourself. Share with your partner how much you appreciated what just happened. Focus on the near Past:
    • Tell them what just happened “Man, you fucked me hard!”
    • How it felt “that was so amazing.”

Don’t Call Me by My Name

For some people, nothing is a better turn on that being called names, especially ones that are sexually explicit. Being called ‘slut’ or ‘fucker’ and so on adds to their excitement and sense of pleasure and even authoritative.

For others, though, name-calling is a big turn-off. It may make them feel belittled and ashamed. So much so that they might want to stop sex completely.

  • How would you know if your partner is into name-calling or not? Just ask! Be honest with your partner before things get too hot and heavy.
  • During foreplay or even before simply say “I’m into name calling in bed, is that ok with you?”
  • If it’s okay with them, awesome. If you notice they hesitate or flinch, you should talk about boundaries and what names you’re okay with and which are off limits.
  • If your partner is new to name calling, experiment by using the name once, then ask your partner how they felt about being called that specific name.
  • Want to make dirty-talk feel more endearing or intimate? You can soften harsher names by adding “my” to them: “my little cuntlicker,” “my hungry cocksucker,” “my horny whore,” etc.
  • Although name calling can be a turn on, racial slurs are not! Just don’t use them. Cool? Cool.

Two (or Three) Way Conversation

So, you never knew your partner’s dirty talk would be such a turn-on, and you love the way dirty talk spices up your sex life? That’s great, but what have you done to turn your partner on? Talking dirty, after all, is also about communication.

  • When your partner talks dirty to you, return it in kind.
  • Not sure where to start? Use similar phrases to the ones they are using.
  • Use phrases that invite a response “do you like that?” or “do you like being my dirty whore?”
  • Avoid repeating the same phrasing (unless your partner asks you to).
  • Get creative, and try to come up with new ways to turn on yourself and your partner using your words and expressing things that are a turn on for you.


Whatever way you choose to talk dirty, have fun with it, and explore the exciting ways words can add to your sex life!

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